Batty Boys

It's so hot in here. so very, very hot. I need to keep this brief. So hot.....

I went to a baseball game the other day. It was the Arizona Dimondbacks vs. San Diego Bottombandits and thankfully the Diamomdbacks won.

In all seriousness, I hadn't realised what a strategic game baseball is. There are so many things to consider all at once - things which to the players seem to come completely naturally - it was difficult not to get a bit lost sometimes. Also, there aren't a lot of runs scored per game. I was under the impression that there was plenty of hitting, plenty of scoring. but actually, the ball rarely gets hit squarely for any useful advantage...

The stadium is amazing. Siutuated in downtown Phoenix, opposite the basketball stadium (making the current time in both seasons an absolute traffic nightmare, with games often coinciding) the stadium is huge, with a massive roof which can be mechanically winched open or closed, depending on the weather.


Inside the stadium, the catering towards complete decadence mixed with low-budget entertainment was almost tear-jerkingly beautiful. Everywhere I looked were stunningly animated LCD advertisement banners and dot matrix displays, reminding me that McDonald's exists and which extortionate beer I should be enjoying. On the huge monitors - kisscams catch out old and new couples, who realise they are on screen and snog for 50,000 perverts. Between an innings, there is a McDonald's dance-off, where two grown men dance like handicapped children in order to be crowned the winner of the McDonald's dance-off competition that day. down in the corner is the private pool, which can be rented out for a match, so you can drink, swim and watch the game all at once (although the placement of the pool was curious - a well-placed home run could hospitalise anyone paying more attention to the pool than the game).

Everywhere there faint din of chatter and cheering. Every couple of minutes, the organ chimes up, and people scream "CHARGE!" when it reaches its climax. Grown men are caught on camera shoving small children out of the way on the concrete steps in order to claim a ball hit into the crowd. People literally risk their lives to be the first to grab mis-hits and home runs.


I could see myself getting addicted to this game. The best part of the game itself? The last innings. Generally, I was told, there is a trade-off between the stamina and the power of a pitcher. So, the best pitchers, who generally pitch less powerfully but who can go for multiple innings, go first. Best, second-best, maybe third best. But then, on comes the powerhouse to finish the job. He only needs to last one inning, and his job is to wipe the floor with his 90mph lobs of the ball. There is apparently a legendary time that a pitcher for the Diamondbacks pitched and a pidgeon flew into the ball's path and EXPLODED.

So exciting. I can't wait for the next time.